what’s next

sooo, what am I doing next? well that’s a good question.

it seems that in the past few months of being back in canada, I’ve continued to circle this question around in my mind like some awfully annoying song you wish you could get out of your head. sometimes I feel at total peace with where I am, other times the loom of ‘what’s next’ hits me like a stack of bricks, leaving me in my own anxious thoughts. when I came home in the fall, I had no idea what I was going to do. the idea was to come home to visit family and friends and start saving up some money for more adventures. this brought me back to my hometown of lacombe, in the prairies of alberta. moving back in with my parents for the first time since finishing high school, I continually joke that I’m the annoying roommate - but who are we kidding, my parents love having me home. why wouldn’t they appreciate my loud singing, random dance moves in the kitchen or the need to handstand in front of my dad while he is reading or watching tv.

during this time, I also found two jobs that have rarely ever felt like ‘work’. as I’ve mentioned before, I work at lacombe’s microbrewery, blindman brewing, (my unbiased opinion of the best craft beer in alberta & the raddest people) and the new, amazing plant based cafe, beet top. it’s been a weird and absolutely wonderful feeling being genuinely stoked to work most day and create an incredible sense of community within these jobs - I am so incredibly grateful.

but I won’t lie, as I have ‘settled down’ more so than I have in over two years, it kind of freaks me out. shouldn’t I have been off traveling by now, be in another country, or chasing another new adventure? but the more these thoughts came down on me, the more I have come to realize I don’t need to be placing this unnecessary pressure on myself. when we constantly stress over what’s to come or what we think we ‘should’ be doing, it only makes us miss the precious moments of day to day life passing right in front of us. while I felt immense discomfort at first, coming to this awareness and acceptance of where I am has been a huge blessing. the more I think about it all now, the more I am reminded how damn incredible and down right RAD life is. right here, right now, in this moment.

seriously, think of all the things stressing you out in your life right now. all of the things that bring you down, cause anxiety, anger or frustration. now stop, take a step back, breath, and look where you are. notice your surroundings, understand how fortunate you are to just be alive, all the ups and downs life brings, all the people you’ve met, the things you’ve seen and experiences you’ve had. life is SO freaking sweet and these past few months have served as a wonderful reminder that I don’t always need to be in a state of ‘doing’ to realize that.

laying in the snow post wintery trail run

coming to this place hasn’t been a walk in the park. it has required a ton of introspection, journaling and meditation, facetimes and coffee hangs with my closest friends, and hours spent running along the wintery trails to clear my head. but it has been in these times that I have come to a greater sense of acceptance, have been reminded the massive role gratitude plays in my life, and have continued to focus on the positive things in life. and in doing so, a piece of my spirit feels like it has come back to life.

through this understanding and sense of peace, I certainly haven’t ‘reached’ any specific point in my life, but I am simply continuing to learn, grow, discover, and make my way through this beautiful, ever-changing life.

so, in a very long-winded answer, I don’t know what, when, or where I am off to next, but in this moment, it doesn’t matter. I have endless dreams, aspirations and wonderful ideas musing in my mind, but at the end of the day I am creating my own joy and peace in my day to day life here, so l’m going to keep running with it and see where it takes me.

xox.