embracing the chaos

I was planning to spend more time in canada this year. having been on the road for the better part of the last 7 years, it started catching up on me.

burnout, health complications, mentally worn down. maybe some time in canada would help? with continual encouragement from my support system, the words ‘come back home’ felt like a saving grace. in a wave of desperation to feel myself again, I considered drastically changing the rhythm of my current life to fit into something totally different. moving back to canada.

while there was good intent to coming back home longer term, when I was radically honest with myself, it just didn’t sit right (at least right now). the voices of encouragement to come home weren’t my own and it was easy to fall back on the idea when everything else felt like too much.

prioritizing rest and routine while being back in canada gave me the time to slow down and listen to my intuition. knowing I had to get back out there.

and the irony isn’t lost on me. coming back to canada to rest, being exactly what I needed (thankfully with some clarity/direction navigating my health), only to leave again. I’m fully aware that heading out for another huge year of travel, guiding, and personal trips is a tall order.

but maybe that is all just part of it. teetering on the line of exhaustion and doing what I love most in life. navigating the space of continual travel while trying to stay afloat (and yes, with more self care + rest implemented). but I’m far too curious and driven to let the challenges I may face take me out before I even try.

I have no other way to explain it other than saying that travel has utterly and completely wrecked me.

it’s opened up my world entirely. it’s fed this never-ending curiosity. it’s been my greatest joy and a gift to share while guiding others. it’s been a vessel to experience life with a depth beyond what I knew I could handle.

so here we go again. as I nestle in a cozy little corner of the airport, awaiting my flight back to morocco, I feel more clarity and peace now than I have in a very long time. it’s a never-ending journey, but one I’m wildly grateful to be on. so for now, I am ready to embrace the chaos.