exactly where I’m meant to be

I woke up back in canada this morning.  over the past 10 months I’ve travelled across 5 continents and 13 countries, slept in exactly 118 different beds, guided hundreds of people on over a dozen running tours ranging from 4-12 days, traversed new mountain ranges, ran across stunning new regions, and connected with inspiring and wonderful humans from all across the globe. 

I’ve had some of my best days, my hardest days, and my favourite days.

I ran through the sierra nevada mountains in colombia, summited my first mountain over 6200m during a three week hiking expedition in nepal, witnessed the beauty of the great migration in the masai mara in kenya, climbed north africa’s highest peak, fell deeper in love with my favourite european country (what’s up slovenia), led ultra running trips through yosemite, ran through an epic sandstorm in the sahara desert, was bluff charged by a grizzly bear in northern BC, climbed table mountain in south africa at least five times, ran along endless trails in the french alps and can’t quite wrap my head around any of it.

but as the human experience goes, I also struggled immensely. doubting myself, feeling emotions deeply, missing family and friends, crying more days than I can count, feeling burnt out, trying to navigate long-term physical health complications, and feeling unsettled in many ways.  and often, the duality of these experiences felt extreme. the beauty and the mess, all at once. 

but in the last couple of months on the road, between guiding in south africa and morocco something started to shift.  the weight I felt for so much of the year, while still present, started to have less of a grip on me.  for so much of the year, I felt this need for balance and consistent community, when I had built a life that had so little of that.  I felt this need to “figure it out”, come back to canada, or just do something. but as I was headed to africa with several more running tour to guide, I couldn’t just stop.

so instead of resisting, I accepted where I was, leaned into the experience, was sooo much more gracious with myself, and let things be.  and what happened? I felt completely re-inspired, fell back in love with this work deeply, the burnout felt less gripping, and I just had fun.  I stopped focusing on what I “was missing”, felt deeper gratitude for this wild journey, leaned on the close-knit community I have with the rogue expeditions family, and felt more confident in my ability to lead and guide these trips than ever before. 

if anything, these last two months on the road, I felt this deep sense that I am exactly where I’m meant to be.  no rushing to the next thing, wishing I was somewhere else, feeling the ‘green is greener on the other side’ or holding onto anything.  it became less about where I was, but how connected I felt within myself wherever in the world I was. and that’s a continual journey I find myself on.

from that, I fell into an amazing flow in south africa, leading run tours, connecting with incredible humans, and loving hard on our local SA team.  morocco felt like a dream and our entire crew shares the deepest family love. and in this moment, as I return to canada until the end of december, I just feel so incredibly happy to wake up to a new day, create space for more rest, see family, and slow down.

I am in total awe of this human experience.