all over the place
the summer guiding season came in full force and no sooner did the slow change in the colour of the leaves and brisk autumn mornings come. but instead of leaning into the fall season, I’ve moved backwards towards spring, given the part of the world I headed - the southern hemisphere in south africa.
back in june, I started off the summer with a couple weeks of trail running around northern california with friends before returning back to yosemite to lead some of my favourite ultra running tours with aspire adventure running. it felt like the perfect welcome to the guiding high season. reconnecting with some of my best friends/co-guides I’ve had the joy of guiding with over the years and getting to share some of my favourite trails with dozens of curious and excited trail runners.
from yosemite, I had less than 24 hours before heading to bella coola in british columbia to guide more running tours with rogue expeditions. this was my first time exploring the region and to say it was love at first site is an understatement. the beauty of the valley, the kindness of the local community, the gardens and tiny homes sprawling everywhere, the picturesque mountains, and feeling a sense of home guiding back in canada - bella coola captured my heart.
when I arrived, I was welcomed by our rogue team (allison and gabe) and their guiding partner, fraser. fraser and I became instant lifelong friends in a matter of days from our shared experiences from years of guiding, bonding as the two canadian guides, and the ease in our endless conversation about bike-touring, world travel, guiding and life. I am forever in awe of the friendships that I’ve made through my guiding work.
as our running tours in bella coola kicked off, we were thrown a dozen curve balls. from daily itinerary changes due to emerging forest fires, smoke, and flooded roads; flight changes and road blockages; allison, gabe, and myself getting bluff charged by a mama grizzly bear during a recon run; and dealing with the heaviness of some personal challenges during the time - it’s safe to say BC came with its fair share of challenges. however, there was also pure joy, excitement, connection, and beauty wrapped into the mix of it all. so while there were many hurdles to jump over, it would be a shame to not acknowledge all of the incredible memories that were made.
from there, I had about a week back in alberta to visit my family before heading off for another four months. with perfect timing, I was able to see my sister one last time before she was moving back to ontario with her partner. prioritizing family time during this week was exactly what I needed before leaving again.
onwards to kenya, I guided more running tours with rogue. from running with local kenyan legends in the long-distance running capital of the world, iten; pure magic from our safari in the masaai mara (witnessing the great migration of millions of wildebeests and zebras, plus seeing lions, hippos, elephants and more); to exploring and running through diverse regions of kenya with new and returning clients who have become close friends. while this trip was quick, it will hold so many lifelong memories.
from kenya, I headed to france to help guide trips with run the alps for the month. before making it to chamonix, I met up with my best friends, heather and ludo, who I adventured through nepal with earlier this year. with a couple of days together, we explored local trails, picked endless wild berries, share delicious meals and apéro, and relax with card games, evening swims, and easy conversation. being with some of my closest friends, even for a short few days, meant so much to me.
photo: sam hill
photo: sam hill
taking the train to chamonix, I settled into a wonderful rhythm while making a temporary home base in the alps. I was welcomed into a pretty special little trail community of local guides and other trail runners from across the globe. during this time I helped guide a few trail running tours, enjoyed a couple overnight mountain hut running adventures, had the opportunity to assist on a tour with krissy moehl (aside from being one of the best ultra runners, she is also one of the most genuine humans ever), spent days off of guiding on solo mountain runs, and was present for the massive hype of UTMB. this time left me with a deep sense of joy to witness the determination, grit, love, hardship, deep emotion, and community behind the sport of trail and ultra running.
photo: sam hill
soooooo, with a bit of an update on my physical whereabouts these last few months, matching my physical reality of constant motion, my head and my heart have also been running in a thousand different directions. and as you may notice in the words I write, it may be a bit of a jumble as I attempt to articulate some of my thoughts and emotions behind it all. to say the last three months have been all over the place is an understatement. in fact, all over the place, seems to be my theme of 2023. in the thick of it all, I’ve had immense highs and some of my fondest memories, but also some of my greatest challenges to date. in full honestly, I’ve been struggling with the pace of my life lately.
as someone who has travelled and lived abroad for several years now, I have always been an advocate for slow travel. spending a few months in one country, getting to know a place intimately, settling in, finding a bit of stability, and making a little home base. this year I’ve moved from one place to another at such a rapid rate, stringing together so much international travel and constant movement that I can hardly keep up. it’s felt out of balance - the endless rush, the go, go go, the exhilarating moments, living in a heightened state all the time. one moment I feel like living my best life, doing what I am meant to do, in my essence and thriving. and the next, I question how I can continue, wearing thin, the hum of burnout becoming a blaring scream. and all the signs that I could once sweep under the rug have become too loud to ignore.
the truth is that my nervous system has become completely disregulated, out of sync, and has been for a while. it has put my body into a frenzy between fight or flight and the bouts of burnout and stress have been harder to manage. I’ve ignored the warning signs for too long, pushing forward at the cost of my own health. not only moving through the mental and emotional strain, but having scarier physical health implications arise that need more attention and care right now. and while I haven’t openly shared some of the physical health components, I need to be mindful of the attention this aspect of my life needs and the reality that it can’t be dealt with fully while constantly on the road. it’s tough knowing the thing you love so much can also cause so much stress on your body and mind. but like anything, once it becomes out of balance it can be too much.
all of this has left me at a major crossroads. I love what I do so deeply - guiding and sharing my love of travel and running with so many wonderful people across the globe. however, I know I need greater balance, rest and healing, consistency, and community support in my life right now. and that knowing showed up again during my last week in chamonix. I settled into a more consistent routine, was surrounded by a loving community, had the same place to rest my head each night, a daily yoga practice, a kitchen to cook in, slow mornings with my coffee as the sun was rising, solo time on the trails and more time to rest and just be. all of these components provided a space for a calming nervous system, a sense of clarity and peace, and a healthier state of being.
guiding with run the alps - photo: sam hill
so what does that actually mean moving forward?
well, I will continue to both guide and travel - ultimately, it is what I love most in life and built my career around. however, I am hoping to make more of a home base in canada for the time being and be mindful of how much time I’m on the road. travelling for 11 months of the year isn’t as sustainable as one might think (surprise, surprise - hahaha). I have projects and shifting priorities that have a renewed sense of inspiration and meaning that I am excited to explore. I haven’t lived consistently in canada since 2017, and it’s crazy to think this transition feels scarier to me than moving solo across the globe ever has, but I’m putting feelers out there now to see where I good landing place would be. I am still figuring out how it will look and where I want to be, but I’m excited to build a rich sense of community, create my own little sense of home, prioritize my health and continue the life-long work of finding a little more balance. so hey, canada friends, I hope to be seeing some of you more regularly and that feels pretty great. let’s reconnect and adventure as I plan to make a move back home for a little while.
and for now, as I continue to travel, guide running tours in africa, and live out of a backpack well into november, I am trying to approach everything with a more grace, curiosity, and understanding. and overall, I am doing good. I feel a sense of peace and total gratitude for where I am as I type these words, reminding myself to enjoy the journey and feel grateful for the lessons life has presented to me lately. I don’t need to over-analyze what this next season of my life will bring or wondering about all the ‘how’s’, the ‘why’s’ or try to force anything. I feel hopeful, excited, and trusting in the unfolding of it all.
really this is all just another chapter in this wild, messy, and beautiful life.
xox.